Don’t Know How To Feel

Posted: November 12, 2012 by Reach A Hand, Uganda in Keep the promise 2012

I was diagnosed july 2012 two days after my birthday I have been dating my bf for 4 years now and about 9 months in his kids mother passed away with aids(they were neva actually together). Soon as news got out every1 called me right off the bat to let me know. I couldn’t reach my bf at the time because he was very sick in the hospital and wouldn’t answer the phone. At this time his youngest child was 6 so when i finally talked to him he said he had no idea and we both decided to get tested. Now up to this point we were using protection every time so I wasn’t too worried about myself. Of course my Dr called and said i was fine so i called and he said his Dr had called and said he was fine also. Yes i now no i should of demanded to see results but since my Dr told me over the phone I didn’t find it strange. Now fast forward to 2012 were still together and it’s been a long and very hard road. A lot of cheating and not knowing where he’s at stuff like that but i always stayed because this whole HIV thing lived in the back of my mind. A week before my 25th birthday (his 32) I decided to get tested and nothing could of prepared me for the results. At 25 I was HIV positive and couldn’t believe it. Of course he got tested an also is+ i know that somewhere in the back of my mind i knew it was possible but i chose to stay because i took his word for it. Now i wonder things like did he really ever get tested back in 2009 or did he lie…or did he know he had it or had he caught when he was cheating I’m still with him and feel like i have to be because I don’t think anyone else will ever love me but at the same time all the love i had for him is replaced with hate

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Comments
  1. skye says:

    thats hard i am was in a relationship only because we were positive it lasted eight years and i loved him but i was not sure if he loved me he left me an soon after he died and i still dont know if i wasted all those years but i am wit a negative guy now but he is paranoid trust issues but if i could tell him i am positive what cant i tell him

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